Welcome to my new office-drama blog series.
This is a lightly fictionalized portrait gallery of the characters I work with. I adjusted their intensity for your safety. Some are toned down. Others… well, toning down wasn’t an option.
I decided that if these people are going to stress me out, the least they can do is become content. A change of perspective is cheaper than therapy.
You probably have at least one of these characters in your own workplace. If you find yourself whispering “oh, we have that person,” congratulations. You’re part of the shared human experience.
Here’s a quick field guide to the recurring cast. Think of it as a wildlife catalog for the modern office. New readers can start here and instantly understand who’s who.
The Irritated Overlord (Irakami)
Role
Middle management. Specializes in polluting the office atmosphere at a molecular level.
Personality & Traits
- Perpetually annoyed and radiates pressure like a malfunctioning boiler.
- Doesn’t teach, doesn’t guide, but assigns responsibility with Olympic precision.
- Decisions change daily, possibly according to moon phases.
- Harsh on subordinates’ mistakes, but can escape accountability in under three seconds.
- Can crush morale using only two phrases: “Huh?” and “Why?”
- Mumbles passive-aggressive commentary at a frequency only humans can hear but shouldn’t.
- Believes “cleaning” means “shoving everything into one drawer until it becomes a geological formation.”
The Desk Sergeant (a.k.a. The Final Boss)
Role
Head of the admin team. Guardian of workplace order, which coincidentally aligns with their personal dictatorship.
Personality & Traits
- Intimidating presence. Voice volume permanently stuck on “public announcement system.”
- Assumes “my common sense = universal truth.”
- Shows blatant favoritism with the subtlety of a foghorn.
- Scolds others for taking breaks while playing mobile games. Irony is a lifestyle choice.
- Recently added “energy flow” and “vibrational control” to their management techniques.
- Master of bold declarations backed by zero evidence.
- Shouts “organization, efficiency, discipline” in meetings like a motivational alarm clock.
- A final boss character currently undergoing spiritual contamination.
The Cute-Acting Mom
Role
Part-time staff. Expert in tardiness and strategic flattery.
Personality & Traits
- Arriving 20 minutes late is her natural state of being.
- Apologizes to the group but never to individuals, which is a fascinating technique.
- Possesses an advanced level of boss-flattery skills.
- Treats people she dislikes with a combination of sighs and selective invisibility.
- Frequently “too sick to work” yet mysteriously healthy for weekend events.
- Often leaves early due to “picking up the kids” or “husband logistics.”
The Misleader
Role
In charge of product explanations and customer interaction. A reliable source of confusion.
Personality & Traits
- Gets things wrong but compensates with an unshakable level of confidence.
- Passes tasks to others the moment things get complicated.
- Firm believer that their ideas are correct by default.
- Asks endless questions and still makes mistakes at the finish line.
- Asks for explanations but listens to none.
- Gives explanations that sound like they were translated twice by accident.
- A walking incident generator. Smakko usually ends up as the collateral damage report.
Smakko
Role
The Young Competent One. The only normal person under the Desk Sergeant’s command.
Personality & Traits
- Efficiency-driven and smartphone-powered.
- Acts immediately on anything they notice, sometimes startling the room.
- Observes the Irritated Overlord and Desk Sergeant with the calm of a documentary narrator.
- Resident cynic with precise comedic timing.
- Signature line: “Yeah… that doesn’t work in this decade.”
- Emotionally volatile, like a weather app with too many updates.
- Moves so fast that everyone else gets tired just watching.
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